The Return to American Life

I'm back in the U.S.

It has been a strange and difficult transition. I returned home on July 1st, emotionally spent and rather unhappy. My whole being wanted to be in Ecuador. If I could have transported Solomon to live there with me, I may never have left. . . except for the support raising need. I found my desire to stay to be completely selfish. I didn't want to leave my peaceful, fairly predictable life. I didn't want to leave my friends. I didn't want to leave my sister. By the time I left, my Spanish had improved so much that I found myself understanding, benefitting, and contributing to conversations with friends and from sermons. Although at times I still struggled with my confidence in Spanish, I certainly had no trouble understanding everything I heard. 

And then I came home.

Never, since graduating from college, have I felt so insecure. People make me anxious. I can't seem to sustain conversations; I can't relate to anyone. Even among friends I feel like an outsider, trying to earn my way back into their lives. Moreover, I find myself feeling uncomfortably shy when people ask me about my trip because I'm not sure what to share. How do you sum up a year's worth of experiences in a 5-10 minute conversation? Where do you even start? Moreover, I find myself painfully hesitant to share in the first place because already people see me as some "super Christian" because I served overseas (which is complete nonsense), and I don't want to boastfully recount my story, giving them more reason to believe something about me that I'm not. Thus far, I've tried to focus on how much the Lord has blessed me and others through my time there, for that is what I am most proud of. 

I love how the Lord allowed me to work in the lives of my kids -- in school and out. 

I love how He granted me the confidence (or just lack of fear) to join and volunteer with the Jovenes group where I could learn from and minister to other 20-somethings and teens. 

I love the relationships He fostered for me. Those with missionaries who mentored me and provded time for me to recharge in American culture and those with Ecuadorians who taught me how to be thankful for all of God's provisions and how to rest in His faithfulness. 

I love how He taught me Spanish through struggle and trial so that I was able to encourage, minister, and learn from Him and others with and without relying on language. 

I love how I could wake up everyday and be in awe of His creation. The mountains, the trees, the flowers, birds, sunshine, rain, and His people. 

Although, I never realized how much I missed the sunset until I came back and found myself drawn to an orange and pink sky illuminating an entire expanse of land without any interruptions. Flat land ending in an enormous burst of light before darkness falls. With a surrounding view of the Andes, sunsets aren't nearly the same as the sun falls behind mountains instead of into the horizon.

So now, after two weeks of being home, I'm finally starting to accept my transition back into American culture. Shopping has an almost sinful draw as I desire new clothes and products that I was "denied" from for a year, yet I cannot seem to  justify the expense. Food, too, with all it's choices and varities is more than overwhelming. And let's not even discuss Independence Day and the Harry Potter premier. 

Praise be to God that I have people in my life that understand my struggle and have a seemily unending supply of patience and grace with me. I am learning, through God's grace, that although it does feel strange to be in a new enviornment, I'm never alone. And furthermore, the stranger I feel, the more I desire Him. I felt alive there, as I felt alive while teaching in Detroit, because I was serving His people through faith. While serving in His will, I get little glimpses of Heaven that make me long for Home. I don't want to leave those environments because I feel comfortable there, I feel the Lord's presence so strongly in those moments. He is teaching me that those moments are not limited to certain areas nor certain types of serving. 

He is found everywhere. 

Let us be able to search for Heaven wherever we are. 

I know I still have much to learn and much insecurity to fight, but I am not as alone as I once felt. I am merely in another growing period until the next adventure begins. 

Con mucho amor y paz,
Tu misionera y amiga,
Kristin

Long over due....

After over two years...I made it back in Haiti. Such an amazing feeling to be 'home' in the country that first stole my heart almost 10 years ago.

It was about noon on thursday when one of our surgeons approached me at the nurses’ station asking if I would be willing to leave at 6am Saturday morning, for a 2 week trip to Haiti. "Umm, yes! Of course!" So the rest of that day I packed, worked with my amazing boss to cover my schedule, emailed my parents and then left for Quito early the next morning.

Our Ecuador team consisted of three docs and two nurses. (A general surgeon and nurse from Shell, and two docs from our Quito hospital). We arrived in Quito just in time for the 'informational' meeting at 3pm. Afterword’s I met up with a friend for dinner before heading to an all-night bible reading that I agreed to help with two weeks prior. I only stayed till 1130 since we had to leave for the airport at 3:30am. :-) But it was an amazing way to start my trip-with friends and God's Word. 

The trip was with and sponsored by Samaritan's Purse…an organization I had heard much about though the years but had never worked with. We arrived in Port au Prince, the capital and took a short van ride...about 45 minutes to the compound. I knew and expected the capital to be difference since the earthquake but I was surprised of how bad it still was. Pills of ruble were still visible around the streets and tent communities were everywhere. It broke my heart to see the changes from 2 years prior.

So we spent Saturday afternoon getting settled and resting before starting bright and early-6am Sunday morning for the clinic. We arrived at the clinic around 7 and were divided among the various areas for the day. The ‘inpatient’ clinic consisted of two very large tent buildings each with 6 ‘wards’ with about 20 beds in each. Also on campus was a triage tent where patients were first evaluated for either inpatient treatment or only observation and oral hydration. There also was a discharge tent where patients were observed for 2 hours after being discharged from the large tents. There they were educated on signs/symptoms of re occurrence and giving instructions to make oral rehydration at home. 

Triage! 

Convenient holes :-)

The entrance to the clinic. Every entrance had bleach saturated mats and washing stations with bleach treated water

The entire clinic had a range of 150 to 200 patients daily, with about 75-100 admissions/discharges. Cholera is a fascinating yet horrible disease…it was unlike anything I had seen before.  Patients would come in barely able to walk, sometimes carried in or non responsive. Their diarrhea or vomiting had started the day before or sometimes a few hours before. But after a few liters of IV fluids, they would be sitting up and talking and on their way to recovery. The initial protocol for most was 7-8 Liters of IV fluids in the first 2 ½ hours…which is quite a lot. Average stay was about two days and it wasn’t surprising to discharge a patient with an average of 35-50 liters of total IV intake.

Praise the Lord we only had day shift-7am to 6:30ish… the clinic was ran by national docs and nurse during the night. Despite the long days I loved working with the patients, staff and other volunteers. It’s amazing how close you can get to perfect strangers just by serving together. I met some amazing brothers and sisters in Christ from all over the world. People whose hearts and lives are contagious and are beautiful examples of Christ. People, who just by knowing them for a week, taught me so much about trusting God and his presence and direction in all of our lives.

Our team was scheduled for two weeks but I had to cut my time a little short because my parents were flying into Ecuador to visit Kristin and I for a week! God truly has amazing timing because the airline we took usually only has flights to and from Haiti two days a week…and it worked out that my flight and my parents’ were on the same day…and exactly the same time. Literally-we went through customs together! :-)

I am ending this blog short…but don’t worry I have another blog (half done) of what is going on right now with me…but I’m working midnights tonight and have to sleep! haha!  love you all and can’t wait to see you soon…almost 2 months-crazy!!